It has literally been years since I have written in a journal regularly. When I was in high school, I toggled back and forth between writing in a paper journal (of which I have several stashed away that I read when I need a good chuckle) and writing on my Xanga that I started in middle school. I love journaling. I love talking about myself like everyone cares about my day to day patters and how I feel about every insignificant happening. I love having that tactile memory to go back to and read over, feeling those exact emotions and reliving the memory as if it were yesterday. I feel like keeping a journal one of the only ways to really find the joy in this journey of life. It is so important to document every ounce of joy, love, beauty and hope that you encounter so that you can truly absorb it and soak it in. Keeping a journal is a great way to hold yourself accountable. When you mark your goals and imperfections in stone, as long as you return to your journal, you will remember what you were working towards and why. I want all that back. I don’t know why I ever stopped in the first place. Most likely out of sheer laziness.
I feel like I am being swallowed whole right now by my own laziness. I wake up in the morning at the last possible second, staying in bed until it is almost certain I will be late to work. I work all day from my desk, never getting up to take a walk or even go to the bathroom most days. I drive home, eat dinner and then immediately retreat to my room, climb into bed and retire for the evening by playing online or watching something on Netflix. I am a literal blob of laziness and it is time for a change.
I want to be proud of myself each night when I go to bed, knowing that I worked my hardest that day. I want to know that I made the most of my weekend, rather than sleep it all away. I want to be proud of my body. I want to feel good about what I ate and that I exercised and treated myself with love and respect. I want all of that and I am going to make it happen. I am a strong, smart, independent woman that can have whatever I want, and I want this!